Trainspotting Sunnydale Style Part Two
Jennifer
R mostly for language and sex stuff
Spoilers: Season four but nothing in detail
Distribution: FINNatics. Anyone else, lemme know so that I can go look.
Disclaimer: Buffy and Co owned by Joss, Fox, WB, Mutant Enemy, etc. 
Trainspotting... screenplay by John Hodge based on novel by Irvine Welsh. 
Notes: I was sitting downstairs with my kids while they played indoor hockey 
and watched Winnie the Pooh when this came to me. Really, it was the idea of 
Spike as Begbie that made me decide to finally write it. I'm not doing the 
whole thing. Just certain scenes. If you've never seen Trainspotting, I 
really suggest you do. It's an incredible movie if you can get past the 
crapper (don't worry, I'm not having Buffy dive into a toilet after a demon). 
This is a response to the movie challenge issued on BuffyRileyfanfic. It's 
written in screenplay form. (and since in the Trainspotting universe I'm 
huge on Renton/Sickboy pairing, I've cheesed the BuffyRenton/Sickboyfinn into 
some fluff)


<Ext. Park. Day

Typical weather, blue skies and warm. The park is nondescript and green with 
a few trees and bushes. This is not Yellowstone. BuffyRenton and 
SickboyFinn appear dressed for the warm weather and wearing sunglasses.

BuffyRenton is carrying a folded checkered blanket.

SickboyFinn is carrying a small picnic basket.

They scan the horizon and give each other a nod. They walk towards a hug oak 
tree>

BuffyRenton (voice-over) - The downside of coming off slaying was that I knew 
I would need to mix with my friends in a state of full consciousness. It was 
awful. They remind me so much of myself. I could hardly bear to look at 
them. Take Sickboyfinn for instance. He came off slaying at the same time 
as me, not because he wanted to, you understand, but just to show me how easy 
it was. And when all I wanted to do was lie alone and feel for myself, he 
insisted on telling me once again about his unifying theory of life.

Sickboyfinn - It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

BuffyRenton - What do you mean?

Sickboyfinn - Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and 
it's gone forever. All of walks of life. Hakeem Olajuwan had it and lost 
it. Or James Worthy or David Robinson.

BuffyRenton - David Robinson still plays.

Sickboyfinn - sure he still plays but he's not great. And in your heart, you 
kind of know and although it looks all right, it's actually just shit.

BuffyRenton - So who else?

Sickboyfinn - John Stockton, Karl Malone...

BuffyRenton - Ok, ok, so what's the point you're trying to make?

Sickboyfinn - All I'm trying to do is help you understand that the Chicago 
Bulls are merely a blip on an otherwise downward trajectory.

BuffyRenton - What a about Magic Johnson?

Sickboyfinn - I don't rate him at all.

BuffyRenton - despite the MVPs?

Sickboyfinn - That means fuck all. The sympathy vote.

BuffyRenton - Right. So, we get old then we can't hack it anymore. Is that 
it?

Sickboyfinn - Yeah.

BuffyRenton - That's your theory?

Sickboyfinn - Yeah. Beautifully fucking illustrated.

<Ext. Park. Day

Sickboyfinn and BuffyRenton snuggle on the picnic blanket and eat apples>

Sickboyfinn - For a Slayer, you sure are a big time softy.


<Int. Bronze. Night.

Mass of dancing bodies fills the floor. The music is kicking.

At the side of the dancefloor sit WillowTommy and XanderSpud. There are 
empty seats beside each of them. XanderSpud is drinking heavily.

WillowTommy turns and speaks to XanderSpud. His lips move but nothing is 
audible. XanderSpud is not even aware that WillowTommy has spoken. Willow 
Tommy bellows in XanderSpud's ear.

WillowTommy roars and all subsequent conversation in the dance area of the 
club appears in subtitles, the characters' communications somewhere between 
speech and mime>

WillowTommy - How's it going with AnyaGail?

XanderSpud - She never stops!

WillowTommy - How many times a night?

XanderSpud - No less than four.

WillowTommy - No LESS than four!

XanderSpud - It's a nightmare. She says our relationship is based on 
physical attraction and that's how it's principally defined.

WillowTommy - Where did she come up with that?

XanderSpud - She read it in Cosmo.

WillowTommy - four times a night?

XanderSpud - It feels like IT'S gonna fall off!


<Int. Bronze, ladies room. Night

AnyaGail and TaraLizzie are talking>

AnyaGail - I read it in Cosmo.

TaraLizzie - It's an interesting theory.

AnyaGail - Actually, it's getting tough. I mean four times a night, 
minimum... I get sorta dry and all but watching him come is just too much 
fun. You should try it with WillowTommy.

LizzieTara - And rush into things? Did I tell you about Faith?

AnyaGail - What happened?

LizzieTara - This woman, in BuffyRenton's body, started talking to me about 
the wolf, Oz, and how in love he and WillowTommy were.


<Int. Bronze. Night

WillowTara and XanderSpud are seated as before. Their words are subtitled.

As they are speaking, AnyaGail and TaraLizzie return>

AnyaGail and TaraLizzie - What are you two talking about?

WillowTara and XanderSpud - Soccer. What are you two talking about?

AnyaGail and TaraLizzie - Shopping.

<Int. Bronze. Night.

Standing nearby but apart from them is BuffyRenton. 

BuffyRenton notes XanderSpud and WillowTommy with their partners and across 
the other side is SpikeBegbie engaged in flirtations with TWO women.

BuffyRenton (voice-over) - The situation was becoming serious. Young 
BuffyRenton noticed with haste with which the successful, in the sexual 
sphere, as in all others segregated themselves from the failures.

<SpikeBegbie with TWO women

BuffyRenton standing alone. She wades on to the dancefloor and dances solo>

BuffyRenton (voice-over) - Slaying had robbed BuffyRenton of quality sex time 
but now it had returned with a vengeance. And as the impotence of those days 
faded into memory, grim desperation took hold in her sex-crazed mind. Her 
post-slaying libido, fueled by alcohol taunted her remorselessly with her own 
unsatisfied desire. Dot. Dot. Dot.

<BuffyRenton notices one guy (Sickboyfinn) walking on his own to the door.

A woman, carrying two drinks catches up with him and walks backwards, talking 
to him.

He says nothing. She blocks his way.

He smiles then. His lips move as he speaks and then steps past her and walks 
on towards the door>

BuffyRenton (voice-over) - And with that BuffyRenton knew she was in love.

<Ext. Street. Night.

Sickboyfinn walks away from the Bronze. He had seen BuffyRenton watching him 
and knew she'd follow. He hails a taxi and BuffyRenton calls out.

BuffyRenton - Excuse me, I don't mean to harass you, but I was very impressed 
by the capable and stylish manner in which you handled that situation. I 
thought to myself: he's special.

Sickboyfinn - thanks.

BuffyRenton - Where are you going?

Sickboyfinn - I'm going home.

BuffyRenton - Great.

Sickboyfinn - What?

BuffyRenton - I'll come back if you like but I'm not promising anything.

<The taxi pulls up and Sickboyfinn disappears into the back of the cab>

Sickboyfinn - are you getting in or not?

<Int. Taxi. Night.

BuffyRenton and Sickboyfinn are making out>

<Int. TaraLizzie's room. Night.

WillowTommy and TaraLizzie kiss while TaraLizzie unlocks the door.>

<Int. Sickboyfinn's dorm, hallway. Night.

In darkened hallway, the door opens and two figures enter. They walk through 
another door and close it behind them>

<Int. TaraLizzie's room. Night.

WillowTommy and TaraLizzie kiss against the inside of the door, taking their 
clothes off>

<Int. Sickboyfinn's bedroom. Night.

By a pale bedside light, BuffyRenton and Sickboyfinn undress. 

Sickboyfinn lies on his back while BuffyRenton rides above him>

<Int. TaraLizzie's room. Night.

WillowTommy and TaraLizzie now lie on the bed in a state of semiundress. The 
two are in a heavy make-out session when WillowTommy whispers, "Oz.">

<Int. Sickboyfinn's bedroom. Night.

BuffyRenton and Sickboyfinn climax together. BuffyRenton rolls off of 
Sickboyfinn and snuggles into his side>

<Int. TaraLizzie's room. Night.

TaraLizzie is sitting up in bed with a blanket over her. WillowTommy is 
babbling an incoherent explanation but it doesn't help at all>


<Ext. Campus field. Day

BuffyRenton, Sickboyfinn, XanderSpud, and WillowTommy are standing looking 
around>

Sickboyfinn - Now what?

WillowTommy - We go for a walk.

XanderSpud - What?

WillowTommy - A walk.

XanderSpud - But where?

<WillowTommy points across the field>

WillowTommy - There.

Sickboyfinn - are you serious?


<They take a step forward. They stop. All but WillowTommy sit down in the 
grass>

WillowTommy - Well, what the hell are you waiting for?

XanderSpud - I don't know, WillowTommy. I don't know if it's normal.

WillowTommy - It's the great outdoors.

Sickboyfinn - It's really nice, WillowTommy. Can we go home now?

WillowTommy - It's fresh air.

Sickboyfinn - Look, WillowTommy, we know you're getting a hard time off 
TaraLizzie, but there's no need to take it out on us.

WillowTommy - Don't it make you proud to be Scoobies?

BuffyRenton - I hate being a Scoobie! We're the lowest of the fucking low, 
the scum of the earth, the most wretched servile, pathetic trash that was 
ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the Watcher's Council but I 
don't. They're just pricks. We on the other hand are controlled by pricks. 
We can't even pick a decent group to be controlled by. We are ruled by 
effete assholes. It's a shit state of affairs and all the fresh air in the 
world will not make any fucking difference.

<The group backs up towards the student center>

BuffyRenton (voice-over) - At around this time, we made a healthy, informed, 
democratic decision to get back to slaying as soon as possible. It took 
about eight hours.

TBC